Thursday, March 24, 2011

I just might get fired for sharing. . .

This is #1 in my series of 'Short n' Sweet'. Which means, I'm getting my homework done and you get to suffer less without the longer stories... for now.

What is this about? My choker? No, that was a rental. My amazing rabbit fur?
No, that was a rental and I'm pretty sure it's not fur but a dustball of hooch.
My makeup? No, that clearly is a mistake. This is about . . .
I have a lot of hair. A lot. It covers my head, my arms, legs, armpits, and certain ex-boyfriends noted,"Damn you even have hair on your back." Note: EX-BOYFRIENDS.

Yes, I'm Italian, and was lucky to get my father's coloring so all my hair stands out...more-so in the winter months when I'm pale like the file cabinets I am surrounded by.

Way back (around the age of 12), whenever I took a shower, a lot of my afro would shed. Don't worry. When I try to explain this (and why do I even bring this up in conversation) people freak out and tell me I need to go to a Dr. Yes, ok, maybe I need this year's blood work but my hair shedding is totally fine.

So like a gecko, every time I hop in the shower I lose a toupee's worth of hair. TOUPÉE you say? I dreamt in the 3 minute showers my mother would allow that one day I would open up a toupée factory.

TOUPEÉ: please pronounce this: too-pay. As in my idea to pay me lots of money.
And no, this is not my dog, he is much higher class than this and if he were to invest in a TOUPEÉ,
it would match his darker complexion.

I realize now that a factory was a bit too ambitious. A factory should house at least 100 workers, conveyor belts, a PA system and a big office with windows. This all seems a little 'much' once you hear about my idea.

Ok, but instead of little delicious chocolates there would be TOUPEÉs on the conveyor belt.
Get what I'm saying?

So back to my 3 minute showers. I figured I would save all of my shampooed hair and start making toupeés that would rake me in millions.

I took showers daily (7) X hair shed (a bunch) = a good 2 toupeés a week. 

The overhead of the factory would just wipe my savings out so the idea stayed with me until last week. What about toupeés for smaller beings? Such as a mouse? Did I really take the time out of deep conditioning my hair last weekend to save the leftovers and shape a Donald Trump toupeé for a mouse? Do you really think I did that? Stage a photo shoot? Trim the loose ends?

wait for it...

wait for it..

First model 'Mouse Mop' modeling the Donald Trump comb-back.

So company names: Mouse Mops, Rat Rugs, Vermin Toppers? How do I reach my clients? Direct Mail? SEO copy? This blog?

I'll clarify right now that this idea came sans wine. So as much as that should put my parents at ease, they are shaking their heads at what I come up with...sober. I mean, when I took the toupeé off the mouse, he looked so bald. It was kinda sad.

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